indecisive as of late

hello, remember me?

it has been a very long time. nine months, to be exact. for all you know...i could have had a baby. though i did not...just to be clear. ;)

so...in my last entry i made a point of notifying everyone about my intent to bend my writing style to fit the "needs" of others. forget that.

you see...it dawned on me tonight, that i had no desire to contribute another submission to "cold as fries". and so, why is this? why?...when i had so much enjoyed myself in the past? the answer is simple (but of course, i shall make it seem very complex)...i do not enjoy lowering the sanctity of true expression only for the benefit of someone who probably wouldn't appreciate it either way. not only is it unpleasant in theory, it's down right irksome in follow-through. for example: i could have easily written "talking like an idiot is super boring", but i chose not to...for that would be a major contradiction and i strongly believe that words are the greatest form of expression and never do i want to lose sight of that. i am ashamed of my last entry, it is demeaning.

and so...i apologize, to you and to myself. i promise never to belittle proper articulation from this day forth. i will spend all my days in practice of creating the ideal world, in which people...of every age, appreciate this beautiful form of communication.

i have to point out that someone helped me remember this.

this comment made me think:

"sometimes, when you say something simple with different words, the thinking that takes for people to understand what's written also makes us think deeply on what you're saying there".
-guilherme costa
www.dreamsandconsequences.blogspot.com

spot on.

i have always believed this to be true. that realization and its lingering presence in my mind had always struck up some unidentifiable breed of contemplation. something so seemingly insubstantial can suddenly feel like aphorismic gold when retold using more established locution. almost ludicrous. i know. that is what i love about it.

thank you for that refreshing statement, guilherme. i will remember that.


moving on...


i recently discovered (or rather; acknowledged) that i am too ambitious for my own liking. i set goals that are just completely unrealistic. the funny thing is...i don't even feel disappointed when they don't go as planned. i know ahead of time that i will most likely fail, and so i brace myself. i should really take into consideration the power of attraction. perhaps it's my focusing on the possible negative outcomes that is holding me back. hmm....i should really learn to be more positive.

new goal: be positive.

ha...good luck.